Tiger Woods had the whole world: money, skill, a beautiful wife and child, as well as a phenomenal reputation and legacy. Bill Clinton stood at the forefront of the most powerful country in the world. David Letterman was a late-night pundit making a living off of joking about other’s mistakes.

All these men – as well as the runner-ups we didn’t have time to list – have far more than this one thing in common.

We’re Probably More Like Them Than We Care To Admit

As everyone knows by now, Woods was hitting more hole-in-ones off the course than on; Clinton had a fetish for lonely interns with esteem issues; and Letterman – although consistently ridiculing the former two – succumbed to temptation just as easily.

Everyone Has Multiple Personalities

One key to being human is:

• the person you are in one moment might make completely different decisions than the person you are the next moment.

The Mind is a Constant Battlefield

The mind is incredibly complicated – far beyond our current understanding; however, the key to grasp is that no behavior – no matter how much we take it for granted – is a “natural” or “given” behavior. Everything is wired into our genetics or learned culturally (but even “learned” behaviors must be processed by our mind, which is dictated by genetics).

The Two Halves

Your mind (regarding reward) divides into two sectors:

Short-Term Thinking – We want it now. This includes being tempted to cheat, playing the lottery, and the immediate gratification of smoking a cigarette regardless of consequences.

The Nearer in Time the Temptation, the Higher the Value we Place Upon It

And

Long-Term Thinking – We desire long-term success. This includes saving for retirement, valuing aspects of life with safety-nets, and acting as faithful partners

Pit the two against each other and short-term rewards tend to hold the upper-hand. Will you receive your retirement fund in 15 or 16 years? Do either of these make a difference?  How about the iPod you just ordered from Amazon, are you upset that you have to wait for the 5-day shipping vs. the 1-day? The good money’s on the latter.

The Scales Are Constantly Shifting

Although most people have a disposition towards one side or the other, a key factor is understanding that far more overlap exists than what most people care to admit.

Rather than remaining static in personality, you are more like the ocean, roughly the same in material, but constantly altering in form. In the morning, the tide of the ocean will be different than the evening, much the same as people’s desires and decision-making.

Although only you will have your memories, the you in the morning might desire completely different things than the you in the evening. The difference in fundamental mood and desire might be so different within yourself that the you in the morning might more closely resemble a stranger than the current you.

It’s a scary thought, but it’s important to realize behaviors in order to effectively combat their results.

This is most certainly one of the contributing factors behind why cheating hovers between 60-80% within relationships depending upon which survey you’re reading.

When We Cheat

The traditional view, which features people constantly making and weighing choices as a static person with static desires and a static personality, leads to those that have been cheated on to immediately cast the blame on that person, thinking they “faked” everything they said.

But chances are, for most people, the “I love you’s” and “I do’s” were all very real. It’s a hard concept to grasp, but simplified and traditional logic often distorts actual behaviors.

Place Yourself In A Potential Cheating Scenario…

You see a beautiful member of the opposite sex…you gander, but nothing comes out of it. Good. You didn’t want anything anyways.

What if the same situation occurred, except this time…you’re alone. The person is clearly interested in you. You’re comfortable. You know you can’t get caught, and to top it off, you’re in an intensely aroused state.

Who you were begins to change, your personality, emotions, feelings, hormones, all alter. All of a sudden those black-and-white answers become more gray. Justifications for previously unconsidered actions begin to occur. The chance for immediate reward presents itself.

Does the decision become more difficult? 

Some immediately say “No!” and run away; however, talk is cheap. As mentioned, who you are now isn’t who you’d be in the situation. The you now most certainly says no, but the you then…might say no.

Thinking that some people lack temptation is a foolish way to handle a relationship. Temptation is very real; however, what you do with that temptation is everything.

Alright, We’re Naturally Prone to Temptation, Now What?

Realizing humans are prone to altering temptations depending upon time and scenario isn’t to tell you you’ll cheat in the right given scenario.

Instead, the goal is explaining the biology of being human, which brings a realization of our our consistently altering states. If you make yourself aware of an issue, preparation can be adequately accomplished for unexpected situations or scenarios. You understand the temptations that might present themselves and most importantly, how these temptations will alter your decision-making.

Hypothesizing these potential scenarios will not only prevent you from placing yourself in their path, but it can act as a reminder for how you planned and prepared for the situation if you find yourself within the scenario; after all, your memory doesn’t shut off.

As the cliché goes…the first step to solving your problem is admitting you have a problem. We all do.