Have a Date? Nervous? Blame Consciousness, Your Inner CEO
Watch Tiger Woods line up to hit a clutch putt (this of course is the pre-adultery Tiger); or Steve Nash on the free throw line. They rarely miss.
When most people play sports – including the majority of professionals – the clutch, high-pressure shot becomes incredibly hard to make.
Dating is not unlike sports. Both involve a few basic fundamental behaviors. In sports, we practice the basics of the game; in dating, we’re merely repeating human interaction, something performed since childhood.
So Where in the Hell Does Nervousness Come From??
Enter – Brain.
You can’t explain math without counting just like you can’t explain your behaviors without knowing the brain.
Need-to-know information about the brain:
- About 80-90% of your decisions are made subconsciously, including the actions you perform and thoughts you create.
- Consciousness evolved. There’s no solid theory as to how, nor why, but there is no doubt that the “self” most people identify as “them” is only a small part of the evolved brain.
Your consciousness acts mostly as a gateway for learning new tasks than a provider of instructions on performing tasks.
Consciousness, Your CEO
Scientist David Eagleman, in his book Incognito, asks people to think of the consciousness as a “CEO” of the body. It’s there for basic guidance for the rest of your brain; however, it’s merely a bystander in regards to the true essence of the company.
Even though consciousness is clearly beneficial and plays a large role in learning new tasks, such as dribbling a basketball, or language skills, it’s clear that the rest of the brain quickly takes over the task, allowing you to not think while performing the once difficult task.
Why? Energy efficiency.
Dating and Nervousness
Now that we’ve covered a very brief background – back to dating and nervousness. As mentioned previously, dating is only human interaction with a provocative title.
Attraction can interfere with the brain, stimulating the conscious mind to come alive – making a simple 3-foot putt extremely difficult.
What’s happening in these circumstance is interference with your subconscious brain – the part of the brain that normally performs the simple, repetitive task.
- This is akin to a painter – with a finished portrait – finding ways to continue to add paint to the canvas.
Only harm can come from thinking about a task after a certain point.
So Attraction is the Culprit
If it’s not attraction that stimulates you thinking too much, it’s generally some derivative of it.
If anything, natural selection in the past would have quickly favored the ability to focus sharply, eliminating the control of consciousness – at least when it comes to certain tasks.Well…first, the mind is such an interwoven circuitry that solutions are rarely cut-and-dry and secondly,nervousness as a signal would be counterintuitive as it merely blocks and worsens performance.
Instead, as mentioned previously, the nervousness experienced in a high-pressure situation of any type likely stems from an interference of consciousness.
How to Cope – Practical Advice
We’ve been poking and prodding at the topic, but the real question of the day is “how to deal with it?”
Here’s the top 5 best ways to deal with overcoming nervousness:
- Stop Thinking – Yes, easier said than done, but the sooner you start practicing, the better you’ll get. You already know everything you need to know in regards to human interaction. Don’t think and it will happen naturally and calmly.
- Distract Yourself – If you get nervous a lot, quitting thinking (ie. Nervousness) cold-turkey will be tricky. Distract yourself immediately (call a friend, move around, put yourself around people). Avoiding exercising negative, or pressure-creating thoughts in your mind will help lessen the synaptic connection over time.
- Don’t Let Your Mind Justify Your Actions – The mind’s a pretty decent CEO, but like many well-known companies, the CEO becomes corrupt from time-to-time. The mind will justify your need for a behavior, such as: “you need to think about this so you’ll be prepared and focused.” Quite the opposite is true.
- Stick with a Routine Behavior – The mind recognizes subtle deviations from the “norm” in your life. The closer you stick to your normal routine throughout the day (including your thoughts), the better off you’ll be.
- Pretend Like You’re a Badass – One mind technique that can be useful to overcome the feeling of inferiority (let’s assume you’re dating some real hottie for this example) is to imagine yourself as being incredibly cocky; pretend you are the best, coolest, and most beautiful person in the world. They’re lucky to be with you. If you can’t live it – ‘fake it til you make it.’
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